Just do it.

I've caught myself. So, I said I'd start a blog and all I did was lose everything I typed, then posted my own frustration. Nothing more.

Where I'm busted. Instead of sitting and writing/typing what it is I think about, I write down a quick note, as a reminder, so that when I do sit to do this I'll know what I want to talk about. Well, that's not what I wanted this to be about. I want to just be me and type about what I may or may not be going through. My thoughts become so random, that I could go off on many tangents. I'm deciding that I could just sit here at any given time and put my thought here, instead of on a piece of paper. No one has asked me to be deep and profound. I have that expectation of myself, and that fact is I'm not a deep or profound person. Don't sit and type if you have nothing profound to say! Why not? Because it's ONLINE. So. Didn't I want this to be a journal? Yeah. So I'm just doing it.

I was thinking that that is the only difference between me and any given person. I see people around me, whether it's on TV, out and about, people I read about in books, friends, etc... and sit and tell myself I wish I was _____, or I'd like to be _______. Well they did something to be that. They DID it. Whatever it took to get there, they did it.

I way overthink a lot of things. Fact of the matter is I just don't know what it is that I want to be or do, so I don't know what step to take first. I attack myself about that, because I'm 40 years old and haven't really done anything that I really want to do, because I don't know what it is. For the majority of my life, I was doing what someone else wanted me to do, be it parents, or (ex)husband, so I was acting as if that's what I was. Maybe it's only an identity/mid-life crisis. A temporary one, hopefully. I took some time off work to just be. Well, I've just been for a couple years now, so I feel like it's time to do something about that. That thought continues to weigh on me more and more, lately. So I feel like maybe it's like the Universe, or maybe even God, telling me it's time. Time to be and do. I do pray about this. I have been thanking in advance for something like a vision. Maybe even a nod or a nudge. I believe I'll know and I believe it will happen. When the time comes.